Give me a shake…cause I think I might be overreacting.
I’ve had a friend for 10 years. She just left a message on my voicemail and I listened to the whole message without picking up. She’s left a few messages on my voicemail since my wedding this past July, and I’ve yet to speak to her.
Tonight, she called, left a message and started to cry. Begging me to call her back. Telling me she loved me and that I was one of her best friends.
Erin is my ‘Samantha’ friend….you know, from Sex and the City. I wanted to write her off after she acted like, well……Samantha at my wedding.
This is a girl I’ve been friends with forever. She is also the only friend I have that ditched me over and over at the bars, when I was a bar-hopping single. I don’t think she ever left the bar with me to go home. She always went home with someone different. And told her parents she stayed over at my house when she got home the next morning. I love her, she has the biggest heart and is the greatest girl when she’s not drinking. She’s funny, she’s beautiful, and smart!!! However, when she drinks, she turns into a Girl Gone Wild.
I’m a married woman, my husband doesn’t like me hanging out with her. She knows what she does is wrong, yet she continues. She’s gonna get hurt someday and then what???
My mom says I should get over it. Her exact words were “Raina, you knew what she was like before you asked her to be a bridesmaid. You knew the way she acts. Forgive and forget.”
Yeah I knew, but I guess I hoped she’d act respectful. She told me she was a bridesmaid for a friend the year before and said “Raina, you’d be soo proud of me. I acted sooo responsible. I barely drank the whole night.” I seen pictures from the wedding and she actually did look sober….so I guess the truth is, I’m hurt that she couldn’t refrain on my special day.
I knew her track record when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. And I didn’t actually talk to her and ask her to refrain from her usual antics. But should I really have asked???? Isn’t it a rule to not over-indulge on the free bar and flash your boobs?? Wait I’ll paint a clearer picture……REPEATEDLY flash her boobs…..even after my maid of honor told her to cover up. Nope, she kept flashing married men, single men, uncles, cousins, friends…..told Caroline “but I’m soo drunk I can’t help it!!!! I’m just having soo much fun!!! Weeeeeeeee!!”
And then as we were cleaning up, she took off into the darkness for a midnight swim with a friend of my brothers. I was beyond mad. I knew her track record stood undefeated, but I just thought for one night, ONE NIGHT, couldn’t she act like a effing lady?
Now, obviously she’s figured out what I’m mad at her. I think the grown up thing to do is call her back.
But I haven’t a clue what to say to her?
p.s. Am I being too hard on her if there were many drunk people staggering around at the reception?? My wedding was on the hottest day of 2005 and immediately following the ceremony at 2pm the bar opened. And well, nothing feels better on a hot day than a cold beer (or whatever else you please) right? Hot sunny day + delicious wet bar = drunkfest
I’ve had a friend for 10 years. She just left a message on my voicemail and I listened to the whole message without picking up. She’s left a few messages on my voicemail since my wedding this past July, and I’ve yet to speak to her.
Tonight, she called, left a message and started to cry. Begging me to call her back. Telling me she loved me and that I was one of her best friends.
Erin is my ‘Samantha’ friend….you know, from Sex and the City. I wanted to write her off after she acted like, well……Samantha at my wedding.
This is a girl I’ve been friends with forever. She is also the only friend I have that ditched me over and over at the bars, when I was a bar-hopping single. I don’t think she ever left the bar with me to go home. She always went home with someone different. And told her parents she stayed over at my house when she got home the next morning. I love her, she has the biggest heart and is the greatest girl when she’s not drinking. She’s funny, she’s beautiful, and smart!!! However, when she drinks, she turns into a Girl Gone Wild.
I’m a married woman, my husband doesn’t like me hanging out with her. She knows what she does is wrong, yet she continues. She’s gonna get hurt someday and then what???
My mom says I should get over it. Her exact words were “Raina, you knew what she was like before you asked her to be a bridesmaid. You knew the way she acts. Forgive and forget.”
Yeah I knew, but I guess I hoped she’d act respectful. She told me she was a bridesmaid for a friend the year before and said “Raina, you’d be soo proud of me. I acted sooo responsible. I barely drank the whole night.” I seen pictures from the wedding and she actually did look sober….so I guess the truth is, I’m hurt that she couldn’t refrain on my special day.
I knew her track record when I asked her to be a bridesmaid. And I didn’t actually talk to her and ask her to refrain from her usual antics. But should I really have asked???? Isn’t it a rule to not over-indulge on the free bar and flash your boobs?? Wait I’ll paint a clearer picture……REPEATEDLY flash her boobs…..even after my maid of honor told her to cover up. Nope, she kept flashing married men, single men, uncles, cousins, friends…..told Caroline “but I’m soo drunk I can’t help it!!!! I’m just having soo much fun!!! Weeeeeeeee!!”
And then as we were cleaning up, she took off into the darkness for a midnight swim with a friend of my brothers. I was beyond mad. I knew her track record stood undefeated, but I just thought for one night, ONE NIGHT, couldn’t she act like a effing lady?
Now, obviously she’s figured out what I’m mad at her. I think the grown up thing to do is call her back.
But I haven’t a clue what to say to her?
p.s. Am I being too hard on her if there were many drunk people staggering around at the reception?? My wedding was on the hottest day of 2005 and immediately following the ceremony at 2pm the bar opened. And well, nothing feels better on a hot day than a cold beer (or whatever else you please) right? Hot sunny day + delicious wet bar = drunkfest
posted by Raina* at 9:47 PM
18 Comments:
Girl you are in a pre"dick" ament..no punt intended..hehehe your friend i guess would appreciate that...stop it ..did i say that out loud...ok anyway...I don't know what to say to you other than if it were me I would call her see what she had to say..say what you needed and if she wanted to talk on occasion fine but I think I would steer clear from her...that was just wrong and disrepectful and she knew that was your special day and should have had better sense not to let herself get so freaking drunk...
I think you should call her back too and see what she has to say. But also totally start distancing yourself from her, you don't need her, and she didn't even have the decency to respect your wishes on your wedding day. I had a friend who was a bit like this in a different way, she finally did something to really piss me off, and I said that was enough. She was also a high school friend, she still tries to stay in contact but I don't want it. Even trying through my sisters. Let us know how it goes.
I agree with greta and valerie - I would call her to see what she has to say. Also tell her why you are upset (as if she doesn't know). She owes you a HUGE apology if you ask me. (((HUGS))) to you.
Ciao!
oh wow...i have to say...i would have called her back...but it wouldn't have been pretty...at least you've showed some self restraint!! as for seeing what she has to say...well...there's not really much else to say...you can't really explain something like that away! i guess it all depends on whether or not you want to continue to have that in your life or not.
sorry..not much help..
Wow, that is sooo bad. Flashing people at your wedding? I don't know if that is something that I could forgive very easily. I have never even heard of that happening at the wedding (although it is making me wish i was invited, *sorry had to make a typical guy comment*).
If you call her back I would lay it all out for her. Hang out at places without booze for a bit and that kind of stuff if you are interested in trying to rebuild the friendship.
Scott
ditto to allison
calling her back doesn't mean that you have to be friends again...
i would've 86ed her from my life too! that was YOUR day. YOURS!
maybe you should take baby steps?
I do think you should call her back, but let her do the talking. You deserve to hear what she has to say, because it sounds like she might be ready to own up. Hopefully. When it's your turn I think you should tell her what you need to say, nothing held back. She also deserves to hear your wrath.
PLEASE keep us updated as to what she says. Good luck honey. (((HUGS)))
ditto what jamie said...
and chriselda's comment that just because you are calling her back doesn't mean you want to be all buddy buddy again.
I don't know if I could forgive someone for acting that way, but I think you should call her and hear what she has to say...and she needs to hear whats on your mind too.
best wishes and hugs sweetie!
I don't know what the right thing is.. but I hope you find it.
I know that when you get married your friendships change, your priorities change, your life changes. I have several friends that Nick doesn't want me to go out with because of their "antics" If you can just hang out girls only it's cool but when the single girls are looking to hook up and you're married.. it gets weird.
I think calling her and letting her do the talking is the thing to do. It might do you a world of good to hear what she has to say. Maybe she's absolutely mortified and apologetic for the situation. If so, would you be willing to forgive her?
I think the fact that she has been calling you for a year may indicate that she wants to make amends of some sort. Maybe you should hear what she has to say.
Anyhow, I really hope that comments help you figure out what to do... Hope it gets better!
Wow, I thought I might have been somewhat responsible in the "swimming" incident by instigating the previous episode but I certainly wasn't aware of the flashing or her history. Sorry, I really liked Erin. She seemed very sweet and a lot of fun (I just didn't know how much!!) I know at times it's easy to get out of control (been there - done that) but if it's something that's continual, yeah, you might need some distancing.
Like most of your other friends, I'd say, give her a call, a chance - see what she has to say and take it from there. Without alcohol it sounds like she could be a great friend...maybe she just needs this as a wake-up call - to know what she'd be losing...a great, wonderful person like you as a friend!!
Eek ... what a disaster. I don't even know what I would do. Weddings are very special days and that sure wasn't a nice way of honouring your special day. If she's calling you crying she obviously feels terrible about it ... well I would hope anyway. I'm with Jamie ... call her and let her do the talking ... then think over what she says and see how you feel from there.
Big hugs to you Raina :)
WOW, WHAT SHE DID AND HAS DONE TO YOU IS PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE! SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS IN AN "IMMATURE, SELFISH PHASE" AND MAYBE NOW SHE IS REALIZING HOW IMPORTANT YOU ACTUALLY ARE TO HER AND SHE RUINED EVERYTHING CUZ OF HER ACTIONS. THIS WOULD BE HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH TOO... BUT I THINK THAT SINCE SO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED, AND SHE IS STILL CALLING YOU, NOW CRYING, SHE IS TRULY SORRY AND WANTS TO TALK. AT LEAST HEAR HER OUT... AND IF YOU FEEL SHE HAS CHANGED, MAYBE YOU CAN START THE FRIENDSHIP SLOWLY? AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW IF YOU WANT HER BACK IN YOUR LIFE. HOPE THIS HELPS??? BEST OF LUCK, GIRLIE!! =)
Ask yourself if it really matters to you if you regain the friendship. If it matters, call her back.
ok...
here goes... :)
i can totally see both sides. i see your mom's point and i also see yours. if it had been my wedding i would have been furious... BUT... if you have a history of friendship, it's probably worth the phone call or cup of coffee to patch things up. Likely, she knows that you're upset and she knows why - she will probably say she's sorry over and over, you can tell her why you were hurt and see how she responds. if she is mature about it and understands and responds with maturity b/c your friendship is important to her, then you have to let it go....
but before you meet with her or talk to her, decide if you're willing to forgive and forget.
if you're not, there's no point.
but she should know that too...
wow, i am writing a novel here.
sorry!!
good luck.
follow your heart.
nothing wrong with that :)
XO.
You know it was your wedding day. I would have flipped my lid and asked her to leave. I am sure that my uncles would not have minded but my aunts would have.
*I* would leave her a voice message and just tell you that you don't really have anything to say that her behaviour was not appropriate and that you cannot just have another wedding. The damage has been done. That is what I would do.
ugh, that's a hard one...
i'd have a hard time letting that go too!
It's tricky! Even if she wants to change and feels bad for hurting you, if she has a drinking problem, and even if it is "binge drinking" and not everyday drinking...the problem is likely more than she can control herself. And until she is ready to make some real life changes... her behavior WILL repeat itself. Why does she drink so much? Let her talk, and tell her you are dissapointed in her, you shouldn't have had to tell her to behave properly. Irony is, we had to tell one of the groomsmenhe is not allowed to drink until after the speeches...sigh...
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